Difficult conversations : how to discuss what matters most
- New York : Penguin Books, 1999
- 250 p.
The problem 1. Sort out the three conversations Shift to a learning stance The "what happened?" conversation 2. Stop arguing about who's right: explore each other's stories 3. Don't assume they meant it: disentagle intent from impact 4. Abandon blame: map the contribution system The feelings conversation 5. Have your feeling (or they will have you) The identity conversation 6. Ground your identity: ask yourself what's at stake Create a learning conversation 7. What's your purpose? When to raise it and when to let go 8. Getting started: begin from the third story 9. Learning: listen from the inside out 10. Expression: speak for yourself with clarity and power 11. Problem-solving: take the lead 12. Putting it all together